There’s a Transformers:Dork in the Room

The summer blockbuster roller-coaster continued this week, following Green Lantern with another obligatory nerd-venture, Transformers. Surprisingly, I think I enjoyed some, perhaps even several moments of it. I’m reluctant to admit that, but perhaps my expectations were so low from the monstrosity that was Green Lantern fresh on my mind and with memories of the abysmal second Transformers movie that it wasn’t hard to exceed them.

Transformers: Dark of the Moon: B-: It was the best of the series. But the best of bad doesn’t make it awesome by any stretch. For some unfathomable reason, the audience is again forced to sit through excruciatingly long scenes of humans attempting to act out human, not-at-all-robot-related, relationship and vocational problems. And not only are the scenes long and painful, they contain nearly a dozen characters no one should ever care about! Eventually some Transformers show up and then awesome, but visually confusing, things happen and things go splodey. Luckily, Bay slowed down then action, and brightened it up for 3D which helps the aforementioned visual confusion. The action is better, the silly scenes aren’t quite as bad as the previous films (though still exhausting) but the plot is still a quagmire and the editing is so bad that it’s distracting. And finally, Dark of the Moon is one of the worst subtitles ever.

Bonus nerd rant: Why were all the new characters cars? Admittedly, they were infinitely better than the racist-bots from Revenge of the Fallen but what happened to the military vehicles? Why was Starscream the only jet and why did they downgrade Soundwave to yet another car? Even Megatron was just a truck, though he looked cool in his cowl thing. Also, they must have heard me because all the generic Decepticons at least tranformed into stuff, unlike the Bionicle ones from the last film.  And for robots who transform into vehicles, they sure piloted a lot of vehicles in this movie, though I have to admit Shockwave’s worm-drill-snake thing was, technically speaking, wicked sweet (and not to beat a dead horse but way better than Devastator in the second installment.) It also got some bonus points for using Leonard Nemoy’s voice for Sentinel Prime, reminding me of the best of the transformers movies.

Finally, I quite enjoyed this take on the summer blockbuster.

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